Let me be honest.

I wanted to tell you the truth. It’s just how I am. I told the truth from the beginning and I will until the end. And it isn’t the end yet. For you, perhaps it might be. But for me, it’s not the end until I don’t think about you everyday. Until you’re not the last thought on my mind before I fall asleep, or the first when I wake up. Until I don’t crave your body with every ounce of my being late at night, while I cry myself to sleep.

I wanted to tell you that I still hope I see you. One day. And my breath will catch in my throat and my heart will skip a beat. I can imagine this moment and I wonder, will I still find you beautiful? Perhaps more beautiful than before? Or will all the pain you’ve caused me change my view of you? It’s been weeks since we’ve seen each other. It seems so much easier for you. Meanwhile I have to talk myself out of walking to your house. Or driving by it. I just wanted to tell you the truth.

I wonder, do you think of me? In the shower? Or the way it felt to lay next to me in your bed. Do you get lonely and wish I was there? My laugh filling your house with sound. Do you wish I would ring your doorbell and my face would be there when you opened your door? Do you wish things had gone differently? And lastly, do you feel bad that you broke me?

I wish it was different, truthfully I do.

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