My switch.

I want a switch. One that is delicately installed somewhere on my body. Hidden from the eyes of others. This switch will be my saving grace. I’ll flip it off when I get sick of feeling. When life get’s to be too much. This magic switch will be the barrier between my heart and my brain. I want to shut off the circuit that connects the two, and just not feel anything for awhile. For however long I want, and then perhaps I’ll flip the switch back on.

Perhaps not though…maybe not feeling anything is better than feeling everything at all times. My empathy is my blessing and my curse. My innocence is barely hanging on. I feel so much…does this make me crazy? Does it make me crazy that I can’t wait until the day I can utter those three beautiful words to you? Does it make me crazy that my brain still tells me to run even though I never would? Does it make me crazy that I’m falling for you more and more each day? And mostly, does it make me crazy that I can’t stand how I feel so much more than you, but stick around anyways?

If I had that beautiful switch I’d turn it off for a very long time.

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